UA Sports Festival: Front Page News
by Legatum
Summary: The day after the U.A. Sports Festival, certain students of Class A must suffer through the reviews of their performances in the local paper.
1. Katsuki Bakugo

Katsuki Bakugo was a lot of things.

He was powerful, tenacious, driven, ambitious. However, "patient" was certainly not one of them. The more polite among his family and friends would say that Bakugo wasa very "emotional" person. Those born with the rare and valuable gift of not giving a crap preferred to say that he was batshit insane.

Bakugo had always lived life toeing the fine line that separates rationality from apeshit. The slightest annoyance or irritation could send him off into an unstoppable rage faster that a pissed off Irishman on a bender. But nothing in his entire life, nothing, not the time he lost to Deku during combat training, not the time he failed to receive one vote during the election for class rep, not even the picture his mother had taken of him in an easter bunny costume when he was two years old, nothing had ever filled him with the pure inferno of undiluted rage that he was currently experiencing.

For the first time, he was so angry that he was incapable of physical movement. He sat frozen in his chair at the breakfast table, staring down at the morning paper. As expected, it was full of articles and interviews relating to the U.A. Sports Festival, and splashed proudly across the front page, was a photo of him, Katsuki Bakugo, chained to his position as winner of the sports festival, the gold medal hanging from his mouth like a dog toy.

The title of the article proudly read "First In Show, Last In Sportsmanship." Bakugo's bloodshot eyes quickly scanned the following words. "This years U.A. Sports Festival came to a thrilling end yesterday, wrapping up one of the most memorable Festivals in recent memory." "However, it was not without its disappointments." "The greatest of which was the so called _winner_ of the sports festival, Katsuki Bakubutt."

Only the knowledge that he was inside his own home prevented Bakugo from blowing the newspaper, the table and everything else in the immediately vicinity to hell and back. _"_ _My name"!_ He screamed internally, _"They misspelled my go_ _d_ _da_ _mn_ _name"! "Now the whole go_ _d_ _damn city thinks that my_ _name_ _is Katsuki_ _go_ _d_ _d_ _amn_ _Bakubutt_ _"!_

With a herculean force of effort, Bakugo continued reading. "Beginning with his bloated, egotistical mauling of the student pledge, Katsuki 'Boom Boom' Bakubutt, as he is known by his classmates…

" _That Damn Liar_ _"!_ The newly labeled "Boom-Boom" mentally shrieked. ...continued to distinguish himself as much for his selfish douchebaggery as much as his combat skills." "In the end, it was only the mercy and pity of his far superior classmate, Shoto Todoroki, that allowed Bakugoto claim first place in the festival, given the huge gap of power between the two…

Bakugo never managed to finish the article. Instead, his mother, who was upstairs cleaning, was knocked flat on her ass as the whole house shook under a huge explosion from the kitchen, followed by a familiar, " _ **I'M GOING TO**_ _ **MURDER**_ _ **THAT TABLOID HACK BASTARD"!**_

Mrs. Bakugo signed, "What in God's name set him off this time"? Picking herself up, she dusted of her clothes and set her jaw."All right, time to handle this like the experienced, mature parent that I am. Walking to the top of the staircase, she took a deep breath. " _ **KATSUKI, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU TOUCHED MY CHRYSANTHEMUMS I'M GOING TO KILL YOU"!**_


	2. Yuga Aoyama

Kyoko Aoyama tentatively knocked on the bathroom door, behind which could be heard the sound of uncontrollable sobbing.

After a moment, she knocked again. "Yuga, honey, is everything alright?" she asked. There was a moment of silence, which was quickly shattered by a blubbering wail. Kyoko frowned. She was well used to the idiosyncrasies of her son's personality, but she had never seen him like this. Until just a few minutes ago, it had been a normal morning. The sun was shining, the birds were singing…

...and then Yuga had brought in the morning paper. It was full of coverage following the U.A Sports festival, and Yuga was eager to look through it, supremely confident that, as he put it, "My beautiful face is guaranteed to be prominently featured!"

Kyoko had watched as Yuga eagerly skimmed the front page. Apparently finding nothing of interest, he signed in disappointment and flipped to page two. Instantly, he froze. His eyes bugged out of their sockets. His face drained of anything resembling color. Raising his eyes to meet his mother's startled expression, Yuga could only utter a sound that was a mix between a squeaking mouse and a honking goose. Then, he promptly dropped the paper, scrambled out of his chair, and dashed straight for the bathroom, locking himself inside.

Unable to elicit a response from her son, Kyoko walked back to the kitchen and found the object of his dismay, crumbled on the floor. Taking a seat, she smoothed the paper out and turned to page two. Kyoko's jaw hit the floor. She stared at the page, unable to decide whether she should be gasping in horror or roaring with laughter. Page two was dominated by a picture of her son, pants down, underwear exposed to the world, getting his pretty-boy ass kicked by one Mina Ashido.

Finally tearing her eyes away from the photo, she looked at the article underneath it. "Certainly one of the most entertaining matches of this years Sports Festival, Class-A student Yuga Aoyama learned the hard way that looks do not win wars. A prominent hero-in-training, Mr. Aoyama nevertheless has a reputation as a pretentious fop. Despite an impressive performance in the preliminaries, he was easily defeated by his classmate, Mina Ashido. Mr. Aoyama bears the distinction of being the only student in the festival to show the audience his ass, while simultaneously getting it kicked, by a girl no less."

As she finished reading, Kyoko's body was shaking with mirth, her apron stuffed into her mouth in an attempt to muffle the laughter threating to burst out. If Yuga heard her…

A loud sniff snapped her out of her thoughts. Turning, she saw Yuga standing at the entrance to the kitchen. His normally sharp, angular face was red and swollen. Kyoko couldn't help but think that her son looked like a blowfish. Putting such unsympathetic thoughts out of her mind, she gave him a loving hug. "Oh Honey, I am so sorry that they caught you with your pants down." _"_ _Shit,"_ She thought, instantly realizing her mistake. _"Not what I meant to say. "_ She smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry about it honey, in a week, nobody will even remember this." Yuga looked at her beseechingly. "Do you really think so?" "Of course!" she answered. A mischievous twinkle came into her eyes. "It could have been worse, at least you weren't wearing those glitter underwear that you like." Yuga could only groan in response.


	3. Hanta Sero

Hanta Sero stood before the door, heart thumping, palms sweating, ice cold fear filling his stomach. At that moment, he would have kissed Bakugo on the lips if it meant being anywhere else. But there was no escape, no way to avoid his impending doom. By sheer force of will, he forced his hand to move towards the doorknob. He knew what was coming, it was unavoidable, it was his destiny. He flung the door open… and there it was, waiting for him as he knew it would be.

Swallowing, he reached down, and with trembling fingers picked up the morning paper. With the solemnity of a soldier facing a firing squad, he turned and marched to his room. There was no way he was going to let his siblings get their hands on it yet. Reaching the safety of his room, he locked the door and sat on his bed. Just then, a loud banging on the door interrupted him.

"Hanta!" Came the shrill voice of his younger sister, "Open up, we know that you have it!" Hanta did his best to ignore her as she continued. "You can't get out of this, everyone is waiting in the living room. Dad said he wants to read it aloud to the whole family. Grandma and Grandpa are already waiting on Skype!"

Hanta groaned. Why was it that those who loved you the most also caused you the most pain? "Just give me a minute!" He yelled back. After a brief pause, she replied. "All right, but don't dawdle or we will come in there and drag you out." Hanta listened to the sound of her retreating footsteps. "Could things get any worse?" He wondered. He opened the paper and immediately rescinded that statement.

There he was, frozen in ice, looking like a Popsicle with teeth. The Title read "U.A Ownage." "Oh God." He thought, and began to read.

"In a grand event like the U.A Sports Festival, it is very easy for something to go wrong, the list of potential problems and complications are virtually limitless. However, spectators have traditionally not had to worry about blinking their eyes and missing an entire match. That is, until today, which is exactly what happened when Class A student Hanta Sero drew the short end of the straw and found himself facing one of the most powerful students in the festival, Shoto Todoroki. Of course, a match between a wielder of two of the world's most powerful elements and a guy that shoots tape out of his arms is pretty much a forgone conclusion. Nobody was expecting Sero to win, information has emerged from the gambling community that odds were 500-1 in Todoroki's favor. However, nobody could have predicted the record breaking ass whooping that was to come. Sero lasted a total of five seconds, setting a new all-time record in the annals of ownage. It was over before you could say "Kickass". In the aftermath of the festival, Sero has been overwhelmingly voted as the student, "Most likely to need saving in the future." Plans are currently under way to build a permanent new ice cream stand for the next Sports Festival in Sero's honor. It will be named, "Sero's Frozen Delights", The menu will include such items as, "Sero On Ice", "5 Second Wonder", and "The Obliterator."

For a long moment, Hanta stared at the paper, trying to comprehend that his failure was going to be forever immortalized for future generations, with a frigging ice cream stand. With a sign of resignation, he folded the paper and stood up, It was time to go and let his family have their fun, before they got impatient and came busting through the door. Just then, a thought crossed his mind. "At least I got pushed back to page 3, Bakugo made the front page, poor bastard."


	4. Tenya Iida

I know that I said this final chapter would be part of my upcoming Advent Calendar, but I decided to go ahead and post it. Don't worry, I have plenty of material for December.

* * *

Tenya Iida walked down the gleaming white hallways of the hospital, a serious expression on his face. Looking around, he spotted his brother's doctor, Doctor Lee.

"Doctor," He said, struggling to keep his anxiety under control. "I got your call, is Tensei okay?"

Lee smiled, "Don't worry, your brother is fine, we've just had slight setback."

Tenya frowned, "Setback?"

"Yes, you see, this morning your brother wanted to look at the morning paper, I told him not to concern himself about such trifles, but he was dead set on reading about your performance in the sports festival."

Iida smiled despite himself. That was Tensei, always putting others ahead of himself. Lee continued.

"So, we got him the paper, and when he started reading the article about you, he completely lost it."

Tenya's eyes widened, "You mean it made him angry?"

Lee shook his head, "No, laughter. The article sent him into uncontrollable, hysterical laughter. At first we thought he was having a heart attack, we ran in and found him laughing his ass off. He wouldn't stop. He just kept laughing and going on about how chivalry completely bit you in the ass. We finally had to sedate him before he killed himself."

Thoroughly confused, Tenya shook his head. "But he's going to be okay?"

"He'll be fine," Lee assured him. "We'll be bringing him back to his room in just a few minutes, why don't you wait for him in there? I know it would be a wonderful surprise for him."

"Okay, I'll do that, thank you."

Upon entering the room, Tenya took a seat by the window. As he waited, his eyes fell upon a newspaper, crumpled up on the floor. Out of curiosity, he picked it up.

"Huh, I wonder what was in here to set Tensei off like that?" He thought. "I know my match was embarrassing, but the article couldn't have been _that_ bad. Let's see, I think the article about me was on page..."

A very undignified squeak came out of his mouth. At the top of page four was a picture of him… but his head had been replaced with the head of a donkey. The title read, "From Genius to Jackass."

Iida tore his gaze away from the offensive title and read the article.

"For years people have said that chivalry is dead. That statement has finally been confirmed. In fact, thousands witnessed it die yesterday when it was brutally murdered on live Television. The aforementioned public execution of chivalry took place when prominent hero-in-training Tenya Iida, of the esteemed Iida family, faced off against tech wiz Mei Hatsume. Before the match began, Miss Hatsume offered Mr. Iida the use of her equipment in order to even the playing field, and the chivalrous dumbass fell for it hook, line, and obvious-as-hell sinker. Iida spent the rest of the match as a promotional puppet for miss Hatsume as she displayed her inventions for the audience. After exhausting her technological inventory, Miss Hatsume conceded the match to the dizzy dumbass, who unceremoniously advanced to the next round. Perhaps Mr. Iida should consider a line of work where his chivalry could be put to better use. The apartment building where I live is looking for a new bellhop. On a final note, Miss Hatsume has stated that she can be contacted at the number listed below for inquiries about purchasing her inventions, gullible dumbasses not included."

Tenya closed his eyes. "Must remain calm, must must not disgrace the Iida family name, must not hunt down and kill asshole reporter."

Just then, the door opened. Tenya quickly crumpled up the offending paper and turned around. He was greeted by the sight of a nurse pushing a wheelchair bound Tensei through the door.

"Tensei"! He exclaimed. Tensei's gaze flickered to the crumpled paper in his younger brother's hand.

After a moment, his lips turned upwards in a grin.

"So, have you seen today's paper?"

* * *

Well, that's a wrap! However... I would not be opposed to the idea of bonus chapters in the near future should the demand arise. Have a great Thanksgiving!


End file.
